I’m not sure I did trust that this was going to go well. But that’s what vulnerability and “doing hard things” is supposed to be, right? Taking a deep breath, fighting all your natural habits to become defensive, and having diving in. Asking that another perspective be considered. The way it went though, I can’t say i was surprised, but I was disappointed. I really wanted to prove me wrong.
I was hurt too. I took a walk and cried for a while. I was angry, and hurt, and disappointed. I called someone. First thing i said is “I’m ok” through my warped voice, “but do you have time to listen for a minute” and i just vented. I wanted so badly for it to have gone another way.
Honestly, i would have settled for things to change later on. Maybe it was too much to bring something up and then hope that the response would be calm, but later? Later there’s been time to digest, to privately reflect. Maybe it was more of a crack than i realized it would be. Maybe that it didn’t change things over time was really when the crack grew. Trust is hard to regain. When that crack forms, it really takes a lot of effort, time, reinforcement if you’re going to end up “stronger than where you started”.
But i guess we never got there.
TLDR: My new single PAPER CUTS is out today
